Oofki.Net

This is the problem with my generation, everyone is a pussy.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m no tough guy, but everyone is such a coward these days.  Maybe I shouldn’t put people to blame, but the laws.

Do what ever the fuck you want.  Nigger, spic, spook, cunt, cracker, fag, dick, cock, mic, I DON’T CARE.  Everyone is sue-happy and it’s bullshit.  Coffee is too hot?  lol it’s coffee.  Sometimes I come within inches of blowing my face off with this crap.  I am willing to play the game, but what the fuck.

Either way it’s what we have become.   I’m no tough guy, so I have friends who are and guns.   Come into my house, you will be missing at least one major part of your body when we are through, I promise.  That reminds me I have to buy an 8 gauge soon, anyways..

You fuck heads are afraid to get your hands dirty.  I’ve been many things - a lover, an activist, a hater, a protester, saint, an opposer, a sinner.  STOP being afraid and rise.  Rise together or as one.  Others will follow if you have a good cause - http://theoutlookspeaks.org/

As many of you know I started writing a book.  Right now it is in very early stages and quite rough around the edges.  I want to get a good bulk of it out of the way before I go back and focus more on my overall goal.

I do want to publish it when it’s done weather it by means of self-publication or professionally.  Obviously if by some crazy chance some company likes the idea of it and wants to publish it would have to be dumbed down a lot.

As for the point of it I would say it’s mostly to entertain.  I want something where believe it or not I can make people stop and think about topics.   From reading it and the response I have received so far some people are offended, some think it’s hilarious, some actually have sparked conversations on topics that I find are important.

My approach obviously is unorthadox.  Be offensive, rude, sarcastic, and in your face.  I think it will work though - for certain types of people.  If you can make someone laugh will bringing up topics that need attention that works.  In some cases with the extreme yet indistinguishable sarcasm it will will produce one of three results.  The book will be put down and never read again, it will be found humorous and they will continue to read, or offensive but not enough to turn someone away.  I’m fine with all of those results as I said isn’t for everyone.  I do think if it is not toned down and was published it would result in people hating me thinking I’m raciest, sexist, etc.  This is why it will have to be carefully “tuned” into something with a better layout then it has now, which could take as long to produce as writing the whole book.

The bottom line is people like drama and conflict, it is entertaining.  If I can reach my goal of being in your face jumping from the pages and still get people to think I’ve done what I set out to do.  It is impossible to teach someone a life lesson or learn for another person, but you can inspire.  Though as I mentioned it may be obtained through unorthodox methods, but if it does work I am happy.

I feel like my room is a reflection of my current state.  Although rare, when my room is clean and organized I am feeling good and on top of the world.  I have my shit together literally and figuratively.  Most of the time it’s not in too bad of shape but times like now it’s a disaster.

Trash.  Beer.  Who knows.

I was doing good, really good.  I was losing weight because I cared.  I was running and eating good and as always something shot me down and it all got taken away.  I lost two of my best friends.  I have an easier time not talking to my mother then them.

I generally don’t care about cutting some one out of my life but times have been tough.  I made a lot of cuts, A LOT these past 6 months.  Some people I could care less about others I do more and I think it’s why I have a hard time sleeping.   So I try to fill my life with other crap.  Stuffing my face and spending 95% of my day in my room alone.  I have no will or want to see anyone, I feel betrayed.  Betrayed by people I gave my life to.

Maybe that’s why I have a hard time letting people in.  I am not like I used to be years ago, I could be friends with anyone back then.  Now I’m still a great guy if not beyond so to my friends, now I just shut everyone down.  I cut their throats before they have a chance to talk.  Maybe it’s time for me to move.  I have to soonish anyways.

Everyone is fucked up but not like me.  I hardly ever have ups.  I usually float some where below the middle.  Instead of being able to breathe most of the time, most of the time I can’t.  It’s hard to stay up when there is always conflict in the lives of the people I care most about.  That’s probably why I try to stay calm.  Even people at work notice this.  I rarely get excited about anything and I think it’s because I have trained myself to be like this.  Not really on purpose, but I recognize it and don’t necessarily encourage it - I just don’t discourage it.  I guess what I am saying is I am an enabler to my own bad habits.  So like always I just ignore everything the best I can and try to keep my head above the water - taking breaths while I can, but not yelling for help.  I would never yell.

I guess I try to fill my life with material possessions to try and fill some void.  It’s the worst habit I have; Even worse then smoking.  I was never given anything as a child.  I had jobs before it was legal to and haven’t stopped working since.  I was forced to buy my own clothes and food even after my family started making more money.  I guess knowing what they had and didn’t give me filled me with jealousy.  So I climbed.  From paper boy, to bus boy, to computer tech, to programmer.  And I did it all without school.  Fuck that noise.  I bought and I buy and I give and I give.  My credit card bill each month is more then most people make in 3.  Yeah I pay it off, but it fucks up my savings, needless to say I don’t have much.

I think the need to have is gluttony to most people.  I am a consumerist whore.  I could even say it’s a sickness.  Losing friends to drugs, death, backstabbing never got me any where.  I know the only things that are semi-permanent are things I purchase.  So in times like these I fill myself with those things, they won’t leave me unless I want them to.  I won’t have to sacrifice them because of how they behaved or lose them to heroin.  I guess I’m a lot more fucked up then I thought.

Makes people stupid.  People drive 5 mph on a highway that has almost no snow, makes sense.. and people freak out about parking/plowing - lame.

The first movie I have ever walked out on and I have seen some pretty bad movies. I can watch almost any type of movie as long as it can hold my attention. There are just too much time in this movie that nothing is going on.