Born into Hate - The thought of destruction makes it’s presence all too known,
Calmed - Cured - But I was still young,
Focus reveals - And the cries fade back in,
Love overwhelming - Almost if foretold,
At the summit - Miraculously higher I reach.

A light -  A spark of idealism,
Soon to explode - Into a replacement for love,
A child’s once prized possession - Destroyed with the flood,
A picture perfect family - A picture perfect love - A picture perfect picture of…
Burnt in the arson’s revenge - Ashes have such little taste,
KILL thy neighbor - BURN in your imperfections,
I saw to their every fate - I sold them on their own graves.

Compassion is lost - Emotion to follow,
DROWN I will drown you - DIE I will kill,
I am satisfied until sober - A new day - A beginning,
LOVE but in haste - Try to fix what is broken,
By putting all the chips in - Giving until broken again,
Nothing more then projects - Most followed by disaster,
Chew just to spit - Losing my teeth makes me monster, again.

I now weep for my past - It’s the only emotion I get in,
I continue to drown - Yet, will not give in,
I payed for my doings - There is little left to win.

A journey was near - A calm in the storm,
Unexpected - Overwhelming with ideas,
To feel again - My bare feet, already bleeding,
Callused to numb - The first breath to reach without dying,
Was one of many - But the hardest has yet to come.

I am over it, I am done.  Not quite, but I am getting there and I feel like I am taking a positive step forward almost every day now.  I spent years with my illness and most of it really was trying to get out of it.  Fighting something so massive for so long takes and ineradicable amount of strength out of you though.  And probably worst of all, if I didn’t have this recent push, a bigger push then I ever had before then I probably would have ended up stuck for several more years — if not longer.

I think I figured out where my life went to shit, but I still need more time to be certain.  I am actually happy that I can have the courage to write this so early after coming to such epiphany if that’s the closest thing to call it.  Mostly because it is raw, it is pure like all of my thoughts when I wrote all of these posts.  Some of it is actually scary, because there are a few things I don’t remember writing in there.  I remember almost everyone except a few.  It makes me feel like I was in my lowest those times, so I can really recognize the patterns when I can attach them to what I was going through at that time.  And because I wrote the way I did, I think anyone can recognize it really.

I do not wan’t to explain what correlations between what I wrote and how I transformed it.  I am not doing this for need of privacy, I just think it can be read like a story and I would like it to stay that way.  Only because I believe in free thinking and I believe it would teach a better lesson if it were to be interpreted then being told 100% literally, the lessons are the same no matter what the fine details were when being applied.

I guess the only other thing to do is explain how I turned my life around, what I really did.  But that will have to be another post, my last one.

I spilled my heart,
Sweat,
And blood,
To give you what you wanted,
Now I just wanted a little of what I need.

Forgotten,
Broken,
Hopeless,
Forget it,
There will never be,
A Tomorrow.

Do what ever the fuck you want.  Nigger, spic, spook, cunt, cracker, fag, dick, cock, mic, I DON’T CARE.  Everyone is sue-happy and it’s bullshit.  Coffee is too hot?  lol it’s coffee.  Sometimes I come within inches of blowing my face off with this crap.  I am willing to play the game, but what the fuck.

Either way it’s what we have become.   I’m no tough guy, so I have friends who are and guns.   Come into my house, you will be missing at least one major part of your body when we are through, I promise.  That reminds me I have to buy an 8 gauge soon, anyways..

You fuck heads are afraid to get your hands dirty.  I’ve been many things - a lover, an activist, a hater, a protester, saint, an opposer, a sinner.  STOP being afraid and rise.  Rise together or as one.  Others will follow if you have a good cause - http://theoutlookspeaks.org/

With the power - brings defeat,
Helplessness to stand on one owns feet,
Without a doubt drought strikes his land,
Fire - hate - deceit.

Down to his knees,
The mighty one falls,
Those who envied laugh and stand tall,
They got their revenge,
They created defeat,
But he was just like the others,
Simple - lonely - he never asked for such heat,
His prosper brought envy,
And ultimately defeat.

From dust we all rise,
From nothing we become valued,
In other’s eyes,
Mostly in profit and it’s not alright.

Live for yourself,
Not through another’s eyes,
Bring vengeance to those who stray,
Teach those true loss to those who betray.